Serenity

It's become evident that among the many issues that plague me *mind you some as little as packing my shit for our upcoming move, some as big as my health* there seems to be one that does not bother me at all, and that, if left unchecked, could become a real, hard to ignore problem.

In recent weeks, I have taken to taking pills to sleep. Stress at work would not allow me to sleep, so I took just one little blue capsule. Slept like a damn comatose patient, because really, no fucking body wants to sleep like a baby, they wake up every two hours or so, fuck that. Anyway, one night I had a bad toothache and took some painkillers, mixed with the sleeping pills and I can tell you this, I've never slept so good in my life.

So, the next night I did the same, and the night after that, and now, I pretty much NEED the pills to sleep.

It's a problem, I know, but I'm not willing to quit. I would if I wanted to, but I dunno, there's something about that blank state of mind I experience that is a blessing to me. It's good to not have anything going bump in my head for a little while.

I know it's wrong, but so good. I get this serene feeling from the incoherence and utter lack of sensible thoughts, and I feel so relaxed that I think it's worth it.

I love my hollow serenity, I really do.