Things he doesn't know

There's days when hope abandons me all together, today's one of those days. . .




I think my life will never become anything, I'll be stuck like this forever, or so I think right now.

He doesn't know I fear he will walk out of my life because I'm not good enough.


As ridiculous as it sounds, there's something in me that yearns for a child. Something inside begs to bear life, to become productive, to push me out of the rot I'm in. A little voice is telling me I need to learn what it's like to be a mother.

He doesn't know that because I'm afraid of what he may think, because he kindda doesn't like children. I'm afraid I might scare him away.


I'm an over analytic neurotic that can't openly express how she feels. I mold myself to fit other people's expectations, I lack the self esteem to just be myself and not give two shits about what people may think. Even if I act the opposite.

He doesn't know how insecure I am about myself. How much I loathe the woman I see when I look in the mirror.


I'm a big, slimy ball of guilt. I don't think I deserve the life I have, I have no right to complain about things. Yet I do.

He doesn't know I feel guilty for my sister leaving us, that I should have done something else to stop her, but I didn't, because I was afraid ...


He doesn't know I'm not as fearless as I lead people to think.


I'm a loser...


Yeah, that was very emo, sue me. *shrug*